Waaaghgon Brawl!
by El Spoot
Summary: A crack-fic. You know the type. Due to writer's block this little number was written for the heck of it. Orks fighting in super sonic speeds? You betcha.


While I wrap my head around a few other stories. Using this to help clear my writer's block. I do not own DBZ or Warhammer.

WAAAGHGON BRAWL

 **Last time on Waaaghgon Brawl Zee** (™) **! Da Zorkians Gorku and Vegetwaaagh finally meet afta stompin' da oomies fer tryin' ta steal da Waaaghon Brawls, da 'oliest tirez on Mazter Norkshiez supa wagon. Meanwhilez, da pretty elfy wif da blue hair getz all mad 'n' stuff cuz da Grot filmkrewz been followin' 'er. Zoggin' Grotz need ta be filmin' dis instead!**

* * *

Across the Armageddon wastes stood two lone figures, or as tall as one could be while hunched over. Two Nobz dressed in orange and blue gelled their black hair into messy spikes using engine oil before facing one another for glorious battle. A psionic wind cascaded around their rather well kept boots, an ever present Waaagh building up as a calm before the storm and threatening to release between two mortal forms that now embodied Gork and Mork. The one in blue turned sideways and crossed his bulky arms, scoffing at the other who broke into a rough stance.

"So, Gorkurot, wez meetin' at last."

The taller Nob grinned. "Vegetwaaagh, Iz had a feelin' ya be showin' up fer dis."

Vegetwaaagh smirked at Gorku. "An' miss all da glory? Ha! Iz 'ere ta finally reach it. Iz 'ere ta finally be a Zuper Zorkian."

Gorku blinked. "Wut- Wut ya mean, Vegetwaaagh?"

The one in blue glanced sidelong at a Grot crew filming from the sidelines. The sub-Orks caught the Nobz scarlet eyes and quickly ducked behind a rock. "Deyz be lucky. When I poundz ya into scrap, me fanz'll get ta see whut true Zorkian blood lookz like. Not yer blood, yer blood'z gonna be drinked up by da ground."

Gorku's arms took a more robust post, stretching forward and back into a fairly open stance. "Very poetic Vegetwaaagh, but yez not beatin' me yet."

Vegetwaaagh grinned. "Then letz get ta dis."

"Roight. Letz get to it!"

Across several Ork camps everything became quite still. Warboss and Gretchin alike stopped their kicking and being kicked to gaze in wonder at the clouds slowly parting over a stretch of land. There was a Waaagh in the air, a spine tingling buildup that felt as if a million Orks cried out at once to bring war upon the other races. Yet instead of a thousand parted jaws they heard only two. Two voices, two distant Orks standing atop a cliff, and while distant and without other boyz to join in these two managed to bellow as if they were an entire clan.

Vegetwaaagh leaned forward, fists clenched and body shaking. Gorku leaned back, a building roar channeled into the sky. A deep, guttural Waaagh gained volume and caused the Gretchin filmkrewz to panic. How was it they were able to shake the ground, they all would have wondered, if not for tripping over one another to escape the sudden psionic discharge that would have made the Weirdboyz proud. Several minutes passed and the Waaagh became an almighty ruckus that started to topple the ramshackle huts belonging to the nearby clans. A flash, a bang, and two meaty fits slammed into one another at breakneck speeds.

 ** _"WAAAGH-IO KEN!"_**

Earth shattered as two hulking Orks traded blow for blow. Electric fire formed along their arms as fists and boots broke the sound barrier, and yet neither Ork gave ground despite the megaton punches leveled against their jaws, as is the finicky nature of the Warp to not agree with true physics. Gorku skillfully back flipped though the air, or tumbled and whacked his head on the ground on depending who was watching, as Vegetwaaagh delivered a skillful roundhouse, or perhaps fluttered his squat legs and scored a lucky blow.

Gorku kicked off and soared back into the air. "I needz mo' dakka!" If only the other Nobz heeded his call and raised their hands in the air, instead of gawking at their rusty tellysighty sets that broadcasted the epic showdown.

"Try this!" The shorter and no-less deadly Ork appeared behind him. _" **Waaagh** -Mo- **DAKKA!** "_ The shout went clear over Gorku's head when he ducked and slammed into a filmkrewz power generator. The resulting explosion sent one of the many Gretchillin replacements airborne, the poor little sucker screaming until he vanished as a twinkle in the sky. Vegetwaaagh winced. "Oopz."

Gorku spun around and slapped a hand to his forehead in exasperation. "Vegetwaaagh, careful! We'z only gots so many Gretchillinz!"

 _THUNK!_ To the hovering Eldar ship that came to inspect the sudden psionic storm, a blue haired Farseer shrieked when the little sub-Ork slammed into the main view port, complete with a comedic grunt. Gretchillin number forty two contemplated the meaning of everything, especially his own existence while gripping the glass for dear life. The Farseer, one Bulmera, did not appear in the least bit amused at being startled.

Down below the battle raged, both Orks oblivious to Forty Two yelling _"eeeeee **EEEEEEE** eeeeeh!"_ as he trailed a psionic discharge and flew past the cliff.

"Dis be it, Gorkurot! Prepare for da scrolliest oblivinion!" Vegetwaaagh went airborne, facing the wide eyed Gorku. Green hands cupped and channeled a miniature storm. "Prepare for me Grotlick Gun!"

"Oh no!" Goku quickly took a new stance, framed palms bringing forth his own spiritual essence. "Time da use da Waaaghmehamewaaagh!(™)"

Somewhere in the Webway, Commoragh picked up the broadcast and televised it in Lelith's coliseum. All fights were halted that day to watch the awe inspiring sight of two Orks go head to head, and Vect damn well made sure to make a quick buck over the bets being placed. On Holy Terra the Inquisition intercepted the transmission and blocked it out to prevent heresy, all the while watching it alongside the Sisters of Battle's various chapels for research purposes. To the fringes a fight broke out over the perceived power levels, Tau Fire Warriors and Water Caste having been quick to pick sides. The debates over mobile suits were replaced by their adults striking poses and doing their best to mimic the charging Waaagh. To the other galactic side a marching Necron force halted despite a Lord's absolute command to invade an Imperial world, all pretending to go into sleep mode as the show played out on their network. In the Warp a giddy Slaneesh dragged Khorne to her domain to watch the newest 'episode'. How the godly fangirl got her hands on a big enough Vegetwaaagh shirt was beyond him, especially when she found a Gorku one for the towering wargod, but he had to admit that the martial arts were getting quite interesting.

"Waaaaagh- Meeeee- Haaaaa- Meeeee-"

"THIS IS IT, GORKUROT! GROTLICK GUN, FIYAH!"

"WAAAAAAGH!"

A blue and purple beam ignited the sky, the cliff breaking apart under the psionic strain. Two Orks glared as their red eyes became white, an almighty Waaagh channeled through just their two bodies and overtaking them in a rage rarely felt in an already chaotic universe. Gretchillins forty three to fifty one scrambled for cover. The brave filmkrewz grinned through their lenses, even when the brilliant light left them blind and the thunderous roar left them deaf. Truly, this became the fight to end all fights, a showdown not felt since the Emperor and Horus fought over the Imperium's future. Truly, a masterpiece in over the top combat had occurred.

One of the pulleys suddenly gave way and a suspension rope snapped. A confused Vegetwaaagh had enough time to mutter, "Whut da fu-" before swinging headlong into the Grots pulling on the other end. The last remaining camera ended up flattened under his weight, along with three more Gretchillins and the unlucky operator. To the side one Torky-moma waved at the surviving Grots, hollering for them to cut. Across the entire known universe, all of the viewers gawked at the 'Teknikul Diffikultiez' place card on their screens.

"Whut happened?!" Torky-moma roared. "WHUT. HAPPENED?!"

A nervous Gretchin hobbled up to the direktor and pointed at the speshul effekts departmunt. Nearby Gorku scratched his head, himself quite lost as to why everything suddenly shorted out on them. Vegetwaaagh only groaned and felt like not picking himself up after falling several stories. The cause was found soon enough, one Chaos Sorcerer blinking at the blown out amplifiers and burnt pulleys.

Torky-moma fumed. "Sin-DRIIII!"

Sindri Myr shrugged. "I suffered a backlash from the warp. Apparently we stole Tzeentch's original characters."


End file.
